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Well, the big day is here already. The massive moving day. The day in which my family will be bringing most of the larger items to the house and the majority of the smaller things. Granted we will have to come back and get more as the week passes on, but most of my things are already packed up and ready to go.

I do have a few things to pack yet...aka..the stuff under my desk, my computer stuff, and my laptop, but other than that Its pretty much all taken care of.

Which is really going to stink not having a computer for a while because we have to get the cable company to come out and wire the house. Hopefully I will be on randomly until we due to my work schedule and when I am actually here at the house. It just makes sense to wait to move it when we get the net up at the house.

*sighs* I cannot wait for this to be over already.

Sapos;Eleene Paris

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I donapos;t even give a fuck. No oneapos;s even going to fucking read this.
1- Tomorrows my birthday, and Iapos;m spending it with my family the entire day. Wooooo.
Then sundays my moms birthday and Iapos;m obligated to spend it at home. Woooo.
Iapos;m about to have the worst birthday ever, and everyone that I�actually cared about if they remembered, forgot me. I donapos;t even know.�


Youapos;re a complete asshole as you are well aware of. And you are probably well aware that thatapos;s all youapos;ve been to me for five fucking months.�Honestly, you were one of my very best friends, I should have never fallen for any of your shit, everyone warned me,
because I�was f-u-c-k-e-d o-v-e-r in every�sense of the fucking phrase.�Not like you care. You never fucking did to begin with anyways. If you did, WAY TO SHOW IT.
I fell for everything. Iapos;m a dumb ass for even thinking you meant a single word you ever said. You say that to everyone else anyways, whatever made me anymore fucking special then whoeverapos;s next.
Wanna know what fucking sucks even more?�I canapos;t even say that I donapos;t give a fuck anymore. Because I�donapos;t mean it.

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AHHHHHHHHH fuck my lifeeeeeeeeeeeee.

he just texted me and when i said i was packing for a dance competition he was like, so youre not going to the fair tomorrow? :( gahhh this could have been perfecttttt.

except for that little issue of his girlfriend. EEEEEEEEEEEEK no.




but i have bigger and better things to think about. Thats whole situation is gonna have to be put on the back burner for now. I need to pack for the feis, think about nothing but reels, and try to just breathe. Okay okay okay list time
1) packing
2) reels
3) chemistry
4) reels

okay okay okay, so reels have to be on my mind constantly. What do i need to think about in my reels?
first step:
1) staying high on toes
2) landing jumps with crossed diamond feet
3) dont dip into turn
4) end on time

second step:
1) good prep jump into bicycle
2) good bicycle
3) cross over on points, downs, and twists
4) stay on time on cuts and points
5) stretch in points.

jeeeeezzz man. So i feel like nobody really believed in my until oireachtas of last year. But you know what? i cant do anything about it now, except work harder. Because the only way theyre gonna believe in me is if i make them. Meaghan, you can do this. Youapos;ve got people rooting for you, and i think its time that you realized that you deserve this. Please, just dance from your soul. Everything else will follow. Baby, i swear youre gonna make it.

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So I just got out of school for today. I was a little surprised to not find anything on my car when I came out. It must mean something good is going to come.

Anyway, I just had that new class I mentioned earlier. It was so cool I really like Mr. Toddrick. He has an interesting teaching style and heapos;s really easy to follow when he gives directions.

Plus, he is pretty attractive. I think Iapos;m going to really enjoy this class.

I canapos;t believe it. This might actually make going to school less monotonous.
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Why does my spam filter at work only seem to scoop out stuff in the Cyrillic alphabet...or one deanapos;s email? It is worth noting that her name was originally written in Cyrillic.

One piece of recurring spam offers me "bigger organ" I would like a larger brain, please. This oneapos;s hit itapos;s max computing power.

While Iapos;m sure your hot, busty babes are delightful people, theyapos;re just not my type.

Since my bank is shortly to be acquired by a Spanish company, Iapos;m unlikely to get money from your dead uncleapos;s bank account in Nigeria. Morocco, maybe.

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I was sooooooooo exhausted today D:. I donapos;t think I ever actually woke up today, srsly. The bio test was worse than I imagined it to be, and Iapos;m hoping right now for a C and praying for one. But band was cancelled, so I had a while more than I usually do to just try and figure my computer out and get things done.

Next week is homecoming...WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN. AGH AGH AGH WHAT. Iapos;m going to be missing so much school, and to be honest, I donapos;t really care any more XD. Weapos;re missing first and third period on the week of Honk to perform it for little elementary schools as our next-to=last dress rehearsal. And then two weeks from now is Halloween, which is going to be the Longest Day in October.

Seven months until graduation The countdown has begun, I even wrote it in my planner. Yeee.
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Why do people help other people?

Do they feel that karma will reward them? Do they get off on the appreciation from the other person? Do they get off on the "Iapos;m better than you because I feed/cloth/visit the poor/elderly" thing? Do they feel a need to validate their livesapos; value through some stranger?

I donapos;t understand it, yet Iapos;ve had a desire to do it recently. My motivation feels like "Maybe if I help some people, this void in my soul will go away." It looks like EVERYTHING is self motivated. If you can think of an instance where it isnapos;t, then please tell me so.

Maybe I can go do some habitat for humanity stuff.

Is helping people worth it when youapos;re doing it for yourself? Iapos;ve asked people in person and online "Why do you want to be a doctor?" and in response itapos;s always some variant of "To help people", but I never ask WHY they want to help people, or what motivates them to do so. I just accept it and move on.

Iapos;ve gone into it a little with JJ about an idea she had, and I crushed it. I think she literally said "Thanks for destroying my dream" but I think Iapos;m remembering it wrong. Basically she said that she wanted to go to china and help orphans (I believe she said that many are girls, because many chinese couples want a boy instead with their one child policy. Also, I would think farmers want boys to help them work). I questioned the motivation, because it seemed irrelevant whom you help, as long as you help. She became defensive, but could not come up with what I viewed as a valid arguement. Why travel half way around the world to help a group of people, when you can help people where you are? I viewed it as self-motivation; it looked like a status gaining move to me. It looked like a way to make herself feel superior to other doctors. Her collegues would say "Oh yeah, I interned at such and such." "Mmhmm, well I went to the prostigious place called blah blah blah. *smirk*" The JJ would say "Well thatapos;s nice. I went to china and helped orphans who were abandoned by their families. Their little hearts were broken, but... *bites her bottom lip* we were able to mend them, teach them, and give some of them new families who love and cherish them when no one else would." Theyapos;d all be awe struck, and in her mind sheapos;d say "SUCK IT, BITCHES"

Iapos;m exagerating of course, but Iapos;m sure you catch my meaning.

Should I really ask them why they want to help people? What if I make them think they are selfish people and they end up quitting, and never helping anyone? Thatapos;d be a net loss, and not useful. Nah. I wonapos;t. That would only hurt people, and I have no desire to hurt anyone who doesnapos;t have it coming.

What if the details of WHY you want to help people donapos;t matter? Yes. That is a nicer way of putting it. It doesnapos;t matter WHY you help people, just THAT you help people.

Why do you want to help people? Because I like to. Because I want to. Because I feel like it. Because I can.

Just Because.

Because because because because becaaaaaause.... BECAUSE OF THE WONDERFUL THINGS HE DOES DO Dee-doodily do Ch Weapos;re off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of Oooooooz
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